Stop saying what I wanted to say!

Funny how... at times... you just know what someone is going to say!
But when it happens a hole day long...it gets realy annoying!

Yesterday was such a day for me and my husband. It started with finishing his sentences...where he couldn't find the word. And later that day...I kept asking him, exactly what he was going to ask me! Being one step ahead of him all day long!
That realy frustrated him! So he finally said to me: "Will you please Stop saying what I wanted to say to you!" "I might aswell stop taking to you...if you already know what I'm going to say!" "It's not funny anymore!"

I couldn't help it! I just said what came to my mind...not realizing it was his thoughts that came to my mind!

Premonition: Seaquake Japan

Last sunday I was talking to my husband about a series of numbers that kept comming to my mind. I believed they could be coördinates. He suggested, I'd install Google earth, because that way I could fill in the numbers and see where they would lead to.

The first set of numbers turned out to be somewere in the middle of nowhere...in the south region of Egypt. I started playing around with Google earth entering all numbers that would come to mind. After a while I noticed that Europe, Africa and America where all represented in the numbers...I wondered what happend to Australia an Japan? Why does my mind seem to avoid these coördinates?
Manually I scrolled around the globe...and I came accross Japan.

Somehow Japan caught my attention, the breach-line under Japan. I kept looking at that point, and I felt ....there is going to be a seaquake...maybe even a tsunami there and Tokio will have big problems!
My husband was looking at me and the screen and asked: "Why are you looking at breach-lines in the Pacific ocean near Japan?" "Something wrong?" "You've been studing them for over half an hour now....and these are old images!"

This morning I picked up the newspaper. It stated: An earthquake has taken the lives of eight people in Japan... last monday morning.

My husband asked: "Were you looking for that information last sunday, when you were browsing Japan on Google earth?" I said: "Honey...this didn't happen untill monday...how could I have looked it up on sunday?" He just replied: "You knew...didn't you!" Yes...I knew this was going to happen soon. But I was not entirely right about the location. The epic-center was in the Japanese sea...and I had the feeling it would be in the Pacific...on the side of Tokio. That's a huge distance in the wrong direction. I do know the Nuclear Disaster...is bigger than they want to know or tell. Time will tell the damage done.

Still I've got this feeling that Tokio is not entirely "in the clear". I know... if my "mind" wants to avoid these locations.. there is a good reason!

Accepting ESP

After years of confusing and frustrating events, denying it and hoping "It would go away!", I found out there was no way to stop these ESP experiences from happening to me.
Neuro Linguistic Programming had little to no effect on stopping this. It did effect the kind of information I got. Meditation only made it worse...Psychology didn't give me any awnsers. Finally... I got tired of denying it, resisting it, fighting it and hiding it!

Despite the fact that I do not always like what I get to see, I decided that it's no different than "real life". Were people, may not always hear and see things they like. Perhaps in "real life" there is an easier way to try to avoid these confrontations (don't go and walk through dark alleys..if you can avoid it..for instance). Nevertheless...I had to learn and live with it.
It still frustrates me that I don't have a choice! That makes me determent to find the cause of this!

Once someome remarked: "It's not a gift, because anyone can learn how to use that sixth sense!" I agree on the last part of that...people who never experienced anything might be able to learn. But some people are just born with it...they can not "return this gift to sender!" They don't have that choice!

It's like giving a child a knife, without teaching it how to handle it. The knife can be a great tool...once you know what to do with it and how to handle it! If not...you just end up accidentally hurting yourself and others! Making it a terrible thing!

But still ...there is no manual on how to handle ESP-experiences. I was waving around this tool...not knowing what to do with it... accidentally causing harm to myself and other people.
A painfull way to learn..what you shouldn't do!

Lucid Dream or Nightmare

One night about two years ago I had a very strange dream. I was in a village standing on the sidewalk looking accros the street there was a white/grey house behind a green hague, and a fence of iron bars. As I crossed the street... voice inside me told me I was going to the house of a serial killer. I thought...it had to be something like a museum-house of a Jack the Ripper figure.
I walked toward a gate that was opened. And followed a stone path in the garden. The path bowed to the right. On both sides there was beautyfull green grass. And the house had a side entrance, with a stone/concete step. I walked in...but the house was empty. There was a small hall before entering the livingroom. In the hall there were tiles and the livingroom had a wooden floor. Suddenly it got very dark, and a blue light lit up blood stains. I got scared. And walked out to the hall. Suddenly there were two pairs of green rubber boots. I turned around and looked at the livingroom...suddenly all the furniture was there. Carpets on the floor, sofa and chairs...everything! Like a family lived there. It freaked me out! And I went back to the garden.

A young looking man with dark eyes and curly hair was mowing the lawn on my right. He looked at me like I was an intruder and like he wanted to tell me I should not tell this to anyone. As I looked to my left, there was a grave like hole dug in the green gras. I speeded up my pase, trying not to run... And outside the gate I started looking for a busstop or trainstation. (Strange I have a car in real life...I hardly ever use public transport.) I started running up the street quite desperate, and came to a wall of a monestary. It seemed an endless wall! I got the feeling there would be a swimmingpool nearby. But I got lost running in to this hughe forrest! Then I woke up. With the feeling like I was running from a serial killer, my heart pounded... It was just a nightmare. I told my husband about this strange dream and left it for what is was... a nightmare.

Two weeks later...I completely forgot about the dream. I walked indoors to get something to drink and the television is on. Somehow the news caught my attention, hearing a serial killer was arrested. I looked up and saw the house on the television, in that street. This serial killer worked as a forester and gardener. He picked up victims (young girls) at bus stations and trainstations, one of the girls was in a convent-school (monestary).

I stood there as nailed to the ground! My nightmare, was not just a nightmare...It was real!
It was his house that I had seen! I had been there in my dreams! And this man claimed, on television, he was even worse than the famous killer of his country! He wanted to be like a "Jack the Ripper" kind of person! It realy freaked me out! But one thing was wrong...he was not the young gardner that I had seen. And there were two pair of green rubber boots there...

I called out to my husband. He saw me shaking all over. And asked what was wrong. I told him and he replied I should call the police! I just stood there and said: "And tell them what? That I had a dream about this? That's insane! And how do I explain I know all these things when I was not even there? Police use common sense! And there is no way to explain this with common sense! It would at the least make me suspicious!" But my husband replied: "You have an aliby! This happened 300km away! And everyone here can confirm you haven't left this area!

I was not convinced! And very scared and confused about this all! My husband kept telling me to get this of my chest. After nine months I was ready to give an anonymous tip to the police.
Not knowing if it was going to be a waistbin file or not, because it wasn't in my country.
Atleast I had done something...but was it enough?

Telepathy or Claire Voyance?

There are many names for many forms of Extra Sentory Perception.

Extra Sensory Perception is the most save one to use. It covers all forms of sensing that could not have been obtained by our five others senses. Therefor it's often called the sixth-sense.

Telepathy is the connection between (at least) two minds without the use of the other five senses. Therefor it would require a "sender" and a "reciever" person who can not see, hear, feel, smell or taste eachother. Then there is something else defined as mind-reading, although mind-reading doesn't mean the people are nesseseraly apart. And that could result in reading facial expressions and behavioural manners of the sender. So that could be empathy aswell! Because it is not excluded from all the other senses.

Another expression is Claire Voyance...Lituraly "Seeing Clearly" And that doesn't mean you have an excelent eye-sight! It means you can see things that are out of reach of our other five senses. Besides "Seeing Clearly", there are also "Hearing Clearly" and even "Smelling Clearly".
Still the question is how can these experiences be defined?

As a 15 year old, I had an strange experience. I was in the kitchen, filling the dishwasher and I saw this image in my head. My teacher/mentor from school was kicking his car! He was very angry! He was standing on the side of a desolate road, near a ditch. It was a two way road, and on the other side of the ditch were green fields. The next day at school I decided to ask him what happend to his car. He was so surprised. He asked himself how I could have possibly known all this? Was I there? I told him I could not have past by in a car, because we both knew that he was hoping for a car to show up, but there weren't any on that road. I gave an exact description of the location and he did kick his car at the left front tire. I told him the time when I had "seen" this. It was the same time as it actually happend.
I did not have the feeling I was looking though his eyes at the time. More like I was higher than I usualy am, a birds view! His anger might have triggerd me to this place where he was. (Approx. 80 km from where I was at that time!)
Was it telepathy? Or Clair Voyance?

What ever it was...This teacher suddenly wanted to know all about me...and I was not willing to be a guineapig! This whole thing confused me as much as it did him.

Premonition - Knowing what's to come

Premonition sounds very interesting...it could help you to prevent bad things from happening! That's the fairytale part. Where heroes and prophets can always prevent the worse thing from happening. Realistic is...it doesn't always work that way!

One day, I went to work just like every other day of the week. I had to start at 6 in the morning and I arrived about ten to six, as usual. Parked my car and walked over to the office building. The entrance was right on the corner of the street. As I walked there...I felt a chill...and sick to my stomach. That sick feeling disappeared as quicky as it came and I continued the day as usual. Looking around the office I got this very depressed feeling, like all of my collegues were in a down state of mind. I tried to ignore that feeling, but it stayed. Then I got this strange feeling that: One of my collegues wife had just died. That was a crazy idea, because as far as I knew none of them had serious health problems. Then I got this feeling that another collegue could walk in the office any moment to tell that this women had died. I was very restless and realy wanted to get some fresh air. Work did not allow it, so I continued...

Two hours later. We all had just had a ten minute coffee break, and went back to work as one of my collegues walked in the office looking all pale! He told us that a women with her child on a bike, were overlooked by a truckdriver and he accidentally run them over. This was on the streetcorner in front of the entrance of the building! The women died in my collegues arms as he tried to give her first aid, until the ambulance arrived. Her baby-child had mild injuries.

I felt sick to my stumach again, feezing cold and shaking all over. All the signs were there and I could not have prevented this?
If instead of having coffee, I would have gone outside to get some fresh air...would I have been able to save this women? All confused and shocked by this event...I locked myself in the toiletroom to think! Blaming myself for not listening to my feelings. I felt as a victim of all this premonition crap!

But I had to get real: I was not the victim here! The women, the child, the truckdriver and my collegue who helped were all victims! I was not! Who am I to think that I can prevent everything with these premonitions? I'm not some kind of super-hero! Who do I think I am? Not everything in life is just up to me! But I did realize...thoughts can have infuence on reality.
Could it be partually my fault this had happend? I was thinking about my collegue walking in and telling someone's wife had just died. And there was...a collective down feeling that day!

All office personel were going to take a look. And as I finnaly came to my senses again, and went back to the office, one of my collegues said: "Aren't you going to take a look?...the ambulance has arrived!" I just replied: "No, I think I've seen enough!"

Up until today...I still wonder...could I have chanced anything? Or was this...no matter how awfull it is...supposed to happen this way?

One thing is for sure...I'll always remember this.

Doubt and Fear of the Unknown

I've had one of my first weird experiences when I was about 14 years old. My grandmother had died weeks ago. And one day I came home from school...poored myself a glas of lemonade and sat down on the sofa in the livingroom. Suddenly I was looking at the doorway, seeing my grandmother there...transparent, and hovering about five centimeters above the floor! She raised one arm, like waving me goodbye...and disapeared in thin air! I was completely stunned!

My mother was in the kitchen at that time and she continued like nothing happend...everything continued like nothing happend! If I told my mother, would it shock her? It was her mother that I had just seen there...Would she declair me insane? Most likely she would, as a child she used to tell me "ghosts do not exist"! Why would she believe me then? Was it just my fantasy running wild? It had to be that, because ..."ghosts do not exist"...right?

I wanted to find out if I was realy going "nuts" or what kind of mindtrick this was. I started to look up Freud, Jung, Adler, Maid and Steiner in the local libraray. It occurred to me that this could well be a peroid of mouring. The death of my grandmother was only a couple of weeks ago. And perhaps my subconsious was telling me I should say goodbye. While I thought that I already did. That would be a reasonable explanation! Lots of people see their loved-ones after they have deceased, and I'm no different! Atleast I wasn't going "nuts"!

That theory changed damatically, three years later! I had found an appartment complex esspecialy for young people. The rooms were not big, but I was happy to have found something I could afford to rent. The complex was a former "Old people's home".
There I saw other people, in the same strange way I had seen my grandmother...transparant and hovering above the floor. But this could not be mourning! I did not know these people!
My whole theory washed down the drain! So I could be insane? Maybe I have been all those three years? "Ghosts do not exist...right?" Than what am I seeing here?

One day a friend of mine came to my appartment. We left together to go shopping. As I was locking my appartment door and staring at the hallway, she suddenly remarked: "You see them too...don't you?" I innocently replied: "What?" As I wanted to be sure she wasn't joking me. "The old man with the cane and the hat and that old lady, in the hall!" She said: "It's oké, you are just seeing another dimention, here it seems like past, present and future are combined." Again...I was stunned! I had talked to nobody about this, because I believed they would declair me insane, and now my friend tells me she can see it too? And she described exactly what I was seeing!

There goes my theory of "Ghosts do not exist..." Now I have to admit they do... Or were we both hallucinating the same thing at the same time? Why would all parents tell their childern "Ghosts do not exist?" Later I discovered, that denying their existence, means you will leave them in peace and you will not fear something that you do not believe anyway! Therefor it's a very simple and great defence!

One of my neighbours had invited a couple of friends to have a seance at his place (our apartmentbuilding!) I did not know that at the time. Until the building was evacuated one day because he had turned on the gas and wanted to set his appartment on fire. Fortunately there were no casualties! My neighbour was admitted to a mental institution for a wile and later turn to a priest for help. He moved and I visited him about a year later. He told me what had happend. He heard voices in his appartment and strange things were happening. Things started to move by themselves. He was so scared...and wanted it to stop. He believed the only thing that could stop it was setting his appartment on fire. He never should have held the seance at his place. But it was too late.

Another neighbour (a former classmate of mine) was also admitted to a mental institution. She went there because she believed it was best for her. Unfortunately she never realy recoved.

My next door neighbour, had bought a new photocamera and asked me to pose for him in his livingroom. I sat in a chair next to the television and he took some pictures. The next week, he came knocking on my door. He said he did not believe in ghosts, but this picture was very weird! We both remembered the television was not turned on! Yet, the picture showed a face of an old lady on the television screen! The picture was made with an analogue camera, and we had no computers at that time. It was very unlikely he could have tempored with this photograph. There was nothing special on the other pictures, but just the one with me and the television.
He claimed he had never seen a ghostly image like that before. So he wasn't aware of what was going on in that building.

People always wonderd why the hall was always such a mess! They blamed it on the young people, and partually they were right. But I also believed it could be because the builing was housing more "people" than there were paying rent!

Trying to ignore these spirits, was a smart thing to do. Although they did not leave, they did not get any attention or energy from me. Even though sometimes the images and dreams I had seen there scared me. It prevented me from loosing my mind.

We were all relocated, because the building was going to be an "Old People's home" again, while another one in the area was going to be renovated. And I remembered the words of my friend back then: "You are seeing past, present and future! These are other dimentions!" Somehow she new this building was going to be an "Old people's Home" again.

After the renovation of the other building, this "gostly building" was broken down. During the digging to make a new foundation for a brand new appartment building, archeologist discovered the remains of an old Roman village there. There was an ancient water-wel located right under the building! Now a new appartment building has arised on that location. I wonder what it would be like to live there?

Scientific explanations

Although I've had many unusual experiences over the past 19 years , I consider myself a very down to earth person. I believe there must be a logical explanation for, why I keep having lucid dreams, clairvoyance experiences and other strange phenomena. Why do some people "see" these things, while others state it is noncence and they have never experienced anything like that. Some people just seem to be more sensitive/perceptive for these matters than others.

I'm looking for a scientific explanation. And that is a chalange, once you find out that not all scientists are willing to discuss these controversial matters! They simply do not want to burn their reputation on a hot subject. Fortunately there are some brave scientist who are willing to take that risk.

Research on this subject is not an easy task!
The problem is...experiences are hard to define. They require an interpretation and that makes it "subjective". There is no way of mesuring the experience it self. What can be done is...making sure that the information that was obtained, could only be obtained by the means of ESP, in a controled environment, therefor verifying that it was realy ESP.

Yet, there is another problem...there are many forms of ESP. One of them is telepathy...another is intention based telekinesis/psychokinesis. So what is the person doing? Infuencing the outcome with intention? Telepathic reading the mind of the instructor? There are many difficulties to overcome in that field.

We could have an interesting debate with skeptics on this subject. Even the statistical proof could be subject of debate, wether the interpretation of the statistics are correct or not. The best way would be sollid evidence, that can be messured, and doesn't need interpretation.

The fysical cause of the extra sensory perception! That concluding from my own humble observations and experiences, could well be the mirror-neuron.

Some call it a gift...

Many people around the world are interested in what they call Paranormal phenomena. Wouldn't it be nice if we could see the future? If we could see or talk to our loved ones after they died? Wouldn't it be nice if we could read peoples minds? Or just dream the outcome of an event...so we don't have to worry in advance! It would be quite handy in some cases! But there are two sides of the coin.

What if you could see the future, or know things you could not have possibly know about a place because you've never been there before? What if you could tell your friend what he or she had been doing last night, without you being around that person. What if you can tell facts about people, that you never met before?
What would you do?

Let me tell you what I did!
I did not take it seriously at first. Just by accident, I knew things...nothing more, nothing less...and that's it. Until I came to the point where I started to doubt this. It was so striking that it couldn't have been just luck or good guessing. It scared me! And not just me! Most of the people around me freaked out too! I had "seen" things about people that I didn't want to know. I had dreams about situations that turned out to be very real! These things had nothing to do with me! And I knew some things in advance, but I was unable to do or change anything!

This so called "gift" costed me some friendships. And it left me confused, scared and frustrated.
Therefor I tried the "denial" strategy...I did not want this, so if I denied it, it might go away!
It did not work at all! After a couple of years, I gave up... If I can't beat this, I might as well make the best of it. I started to read about this subject and talk about my own experiences to others.